Controlling Emotions : How to do it?

Ever experienced situations where our emotions controlled us rather than us controlling our emotions? I think all of us felt that before. Like the last time you lost your temper and unnecessarily got upset. Or when you were so nervous you couldn’t even complete a sentence.

Firstly, understand that all emotions are here to serve us. Emotions brings color to life and makes it more interesting. But more importantly, it also tells us what is going on. Emotions are like signals and warning signs. Like when we are upset, we know something is not right. Or when we are angry it shows that something that should not happen happened.

However being overly emotional or being excessively influenced by emotions can result in many problems.

Never ever avoid, ignore or pent up your emotions. Whenever you have any emotions, you should acknowledge it’s existence and give it the attention it needs. Try to understand the message that the emotion is trying to tell you. And then try your best to respond to that emotion’s message in the best way possible.

Remember that your emotion is the messenger, not the enemy. It just communicates the bad news to you.

How you can control your emotions;

1. Break off and disassociate

Whenever there is a surge of emotions rushing towards you, quickly break the pattern and disassociate from it. Don’t indulge in the emotion and let it take over. Become like a 3rd party observing the situation and what is happening. Step outside of yourself and don’t make it personal.

The key is to do it immediately, or else the emotion will gain momentum and get stronger.

To break the pattern of the emotion, one way is to jolt and surprise the brain so much that the intensity of the emotion is drained away. To do so, you must do, think or say something that is totally bizarre and unexpected. So much so that the brain ‘forgot’ that it was for example, feeling angry a moment ago.

2. Become curious about understanding the emotion’s message

Now that you’ve disassociated yourself from the emotion, you are in a neutral enough state to objectively assess what is going on. Objectively observe the situation and the emotions you are feeling. Ask questions such as ;

What emotions was I experiencing?

What happened just now?

What does this mean?

What is the reason for me feeling that way?

In order to feel this way, what did I have to believe?

What needs to happen for me to feel better?

Just stay curious through the whole process. Don’t let it get personal. Use a questioning and curious tone when asking those questions. This keeps you in a curious state throughout the questioning.

Going through those questions neutrally helps you find the message behind the emotion and why you are experiencing it. You will be clear on why you feel that way, and what you would want instead. When you’re overcome with emotion, you will not be able to identify the root of the problem.

3. Decide what can be done

The last step is to decide your response and follow up action. It may be something that you have to do, communicate or even think for you to get what you want. Remember, sometimes all we need to change is our mindset and perception.

As long as you stay neutral and disassociated from emotions, the decision you make will be done with a clear mind and an objective assessment.

Use those 3 steps to help in controlling emotions. Like many things, controlling emotions is a matter of habit. It will be harder at first but the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Do it consistently and it will become a natural habit to respond to any negative emotion in an empowering manner.